Old Farting Advice
This is where I store old questions.

Fatkey writes...

    I have a big belly. A big belly that gurgles. I am also skinny. But with a big belly. Here's a picture of me from back in the day when I used to be a rock star in the world famous Atomic Tree Breakfast. One time on the subway, a little kid pointed at me and laughed. Then he asked me, "you got a baby in there?". I wasn't very happy. What do you suggest is a balanced diet for someone like me who is fat and skinny at the same time?

AskCote responds...

    Your problem is not in your belly, it's in your butt. The fart air in your belly comes from all the coffee you drink in the morning. Ask your chair. He knows all about the ammounts of coffee you drink. Unfortunetly, there is no cure for your fart belly. The only other way to conrol your belly would be to surgically make another butt hole in your ass to compensate for all the coffee you drink, or you could stop drinking coffee. Although, there is this experimental treatment called Formating Your Ass invented by Farticus "the dingle stitch" Anus. It bassically works by eating lot of pasta and singing old christmas tunes by the dawn's early light. Formating does have it's downfalls though. It's basically a waste of time because it doesn't serve a purpose. I drive a viper.

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