Old Farting Advice
This is where I store old questions.

Cornelius Hornblende, III writes...

    What is your preferred pronunciation of the word fart? Do you like the traditional fart or the northeastern faht?
AskCote responds...

    This is your brain: o
This is your brain on farts: ))<o
Any questions?
I pronounce "fart" as jdfhjiofyisvhnuiotjgdfhjsdkl;akfds;lsadfklsa';f or Farht for short.

Quincybunny writes...

    I've noticed since i moved that my farts are more explosive & smell way worse than rochester farts, do you think it's the water in my new town?
AskCote responds...

    ...not at all. It actually is called BHST, or Butt Hole Shock Trauma. BHST is generally brought about by eating very hot food or way too much Raisin Bran in the morning. Typically, a person, like yourself, suffers from BHST when they move from one town to the next. It's easy to conclude that it's your environment, but it's actually all in your head. The next time you fart ask an innocent by stander if he/she smells and/or likes your fart. The best way to get an accurate opinion is to ask someone who is honest, like a LA police officer or a politicians. No amount of Beano will control your stink or explosive level. Audi 5k.

Spyke Li writes...

    Helo. I am a firm disbeliever in your site of farts. I think your site hides the truth about people of non-white color or ethnic origin and their role in farting and the passing of gas. The truth? The white man glorifies his flatulence and the smell his ass hole creates, while suppressing the odors of others and historically silencing the vibration of cheeks. FIGHT THE POOER! Sincerely, fuck you dick face.
AskCote responds...

    During my studies at AAAAAAAU or Antifart Association And Analog Alpha Atom Anus University, I debated over this exact argument. Let me tell you something. It was a fucking movie about some dude, a patriot, who fucking kicks the Brits in the fucking nuts. The only thing that was portrayed inaccurately or missing from the film was a disclaimer that said: 

"to spyke LI, no conspiracies are sought in this film. Make your own movie about slavery. Thank you and good night. BTW, jungle beaver sucked". 

Amen. Sincerely, shut the fuck up.

Mike writes...

    What's Your Favorite KiSS song?

AskCote responds...

    I had to do a little research on this one Mike. I'm actually a little embarrassed to say that I didn't who Kiss was, but then I remembered Halloween was around the corner. The light bulb went on and my pants turned brown. Kiss is actually a early band of the 1700's called Hungarian Cabinet Makers. We're talking MP1s here. This is old stuff. They toured the lower half of Hungary for 2 years and made about 5 US dollars. The main attraction of the band was that they would make cabinets as they played their instruments. Their most popular song was titled, "make my cabinet, make my bed, kla'de'shk!". However, my favorite song was, "Rock and Roll all night on my cabinet". At the end of each concert they would smash the cabinets they made and yell, "Killbra Mekeesh qua'meal shaq", and fart loudly. I'm really glad that I'm not confusing Hungarian Cabinet Makers with Kiss of the early 70's late 80's. Have a nice day. 

Hoonis writes...

    Is it possible to have more than one butthole?

AskCote responds...

    Yes and no. This is entirely dependant on whether or not you were born with an extra one or later surgically implanted. I had this question asked to me a few times before. The real question is, what and the hell would a person do with two butt holes? This can get pretty interesting. Think of all the possibilities... You could double steak your shorts. You could have twice the amount of dingle berries. You could kill two birds with one stone by using the same amount of toilet paper. You could fart twice as loud. You could antifart with one hole and then fart with the other. The possibilities are endless. I use a push lawn mower to get to work in the morning. 

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