Old Farting Advice
This is where I store old questions.

Eghead54 writes...
Can I e-mail to anybody
AskCote responds...
Please read the Internet Instruction Manual, or IIM, before continuing.

Ryan writes...
How Can I Fart On Purpose???
AskCote responds...(ATTENTION: DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME AND WHILE NOT BEING SUPERVISED BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA)
This is simple, but not very practical and legal. Jump in your car and drive down to the local gas station. Don't forget to bring some quarters. If you don't have an quarters on hand, don't worry, I'll explain later. Pull up to the compressed air tank/service station. Leap out of your car and scream, "I'm going to shit my pants. look at me. I am cool. who wants to spank my ass". The screaming is entirely used for effect. At this point, someone is probably calling the police, but don't worry. The police are hanging out at Dunkin-Donuts. It'll take them a good 15.333333 minutes to find you. So, if you don't have any quarters run into the bathroom (get a key from the gas attendant if the door requires one) and hit the deck! Get down and dirty! 15% of all misplaced change occurs when you are dropping your draws. Pick up the quarters and place a few in the air meter thingy-majig. Set the machine for 200PSI. Stick a rock or stone into the valve. Then, drop your panties and shove the nasal in you butt. Wait about .005 seconds and pull that bitch out. Any longer and you may be seriously injured by the air. After this, your're all set. Time to fart. For other farting and on demand tricks, read the FAQ.

Richard Kimball writes...
What's a union and what does it have to do with farting?
AskCote responds...
A union is very necessary if you plan to achieve optimal farting potential. Basically, there is power in numbers. If you plan on farting loudly and smelly, you need to have the support of your brothers and sisters. It helps to go to union meetings and participate in frequent work/bowl stoppages. The only downside is union dues which they take out of you every week. It only comes out to a little amount of air and shit. It's well worth it. Oh yeah, the dues go towards a compressed fart tank which they release at the end of the year. This helps the O-zone layer. I use a bowl to eat cereal and shit. 

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