Old Farting Advice
This is where I store old questions.

Grundle writes... (or mike at work)
If I wipe my ass 3 times and there's still chunks on the paper, am I in big trouble?
AskCote responds...

Yes you are sir. These chunks will turn into dingle berries. The dingle berries will stay attached to your ass hair until you take a shower or bath. When you fart you will here a 'wind chime" effect. This is normal. Yes it will stink, but the noise is generated by the collision of dingles berries. If you only have one dingle, then you will hear a faint whistle sound. This is caused by the high pitch vibrations generated by the dingle berry as hot and steamy fart air passes by it. I once used a phone to make a phone call.

Dominic Abbatiello writes..
Do girls fart? And if they do send me a picture of one who farts alot & likes it.
AskCote responds...

Yes and no Dominic Abbatiello. Nobody has a picture. Biologically girls do fart, but we have no evidence to prove it. In theory girls do fart, but we have no proof. Sorry I couldn't answer your question more specifically. God Bless the bowl.

Mr. Buckley writes..
Mr. Cote, I worked with you when we were NYNEX. This is Mr. Buckleyfart. I have a question regarding ignition and fart/antifart. To what degree would you burn the inside of your rectum if you were to light a fart and then turn to an antifart conversion, in effect, breathing? Have you ever heard of anyone successfully performing this phenomenon? Any (excuse me guy, I just FARTED) insight (oops, i did it again) would be greatly (gotta go wipe) appreciated. Thanks, and happy flatulence.
AskCote responds...
Excellent question. I see you have done your homework. Also, from the tone of your e-mail is sounds like you are very wise in the ways of the fart. I would say you have a black belt in Farate. Now, Farate is nothing like Karate. Karate is a form of martial arts for self defense. Farate is a word I just made up. Now, back to your question... The degree of burnt flesh would depend upon two things: 1. How close you are to a fire extinguisher with an optional anal apparatus already attached and 2: whether you have shit in your ass. If you have shit, you are all set. The shit will put out the fire and you will not suffer any damage. If you have a fire extinguisher with and anal attachment, I would say you could get anywhere between a 1st or 2nd degree burn, maybe even 1.5 degrees or 90 depending if you are bent over. If you don't have a fire extinguisher you will blow up and die. I hope that answers your question. Thank you for flying the friendly skies of Air Cote. 

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