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Zoe Ambrose writes..
What are all the foods that make people fart loud and stinky? What other things should I know about farts?
AskCote responds...

I'm still working on a list. I'll send it to you via my galactic space monkey album when it's finished. One of the most important things to know about farts is cushion and pant dispersion. Many people fart and let it sit in their pants/car/seat. You need to air out your pants/car/seat after farting or your pants/car/seat will smell like shit forever.

MW writes..
There is this bloke who works in my office and constantly keeps farting. Despite air fresheners being put all around the room he has still not got the message. The problem is nobody has the bottle to tell him he stinks. It is turning into a nightmare and me and my colleagues sometimes have to leave the office because it stinks so bad.
Can you help?? please.......
AskCote responds...

Yes, I can help. My advice is to lobby your legislation to change murder laws to misdemeanors punishable by up to a 1 penny fine or nothing, whichever is less. Then you would be able to kill the person without going to jail.

Ryan writes..
Why do people fart?
AskCote responds...

It's very simple. All food has Fartories in them. Some foods have more, some less. For instance, 1 stick of butter has 200 grams of fat, 1 pound of vitamin A, 2 calories, and 55 grams of Fartories. Each gram has .01% cu. in. of fart air. The FDA to this day does not require Fartories to be listed on food labels. They are ashamed of the controversy it would cause with the Bush administration. Companies have lobbied very hard to keep Fartories off those food labels. It may never happen. I am in the process of making a list of foods that contain the most Fartories per yard of silk inch worms. I just farted.

Nottelling writes..
I always blame it on the cat when I fart. should I blame someone else for a change?
AskCote responds...

Yes, yourself. You should take pride in your farts. You shouldn't be ashamed or embarrassed to fart. You need to hold your head up high, push as hard as you can, stand up, wave your hands, and say, "Lets get this fucking party started right. I just fucking fart out of my ass." I sometimes use a car to drive to work.

Mr. Potterbash writes..
Is one more likely to fart if one has recently had a bath or a shower that day?
AskCote responds...

Yes, because if you have some mad crusted swamp ass or dingle berry film you can't fart. If you clean that shit up, then you can fart without any restrictions.

Gnitro884@secretaddress.com writes..
Does anybody have a good copy of the Robert Tilton fart tape?
AskCote responds...

Never heard of it, but I have smelt it and dealt it. 

Booty writes..
How can we find Brittany Spears fart movie she did?
AskCote responds...

http://www.zthing.com/zthings/oops.html It's under the links section. Anyone out there in internet land know where I can find x-lax men. The link is dead.*UPDATE* Fixed link.

Soreassbuck writes...
dude, my butt hurts like I got to fart but I cant. what do I do???
AskCote responds...

Oh my! You should eat about 5 bags of prunes. I have a funny story about prunes actually. One day I had a shit load of gas. I'm talking about farting every 5 minutes. It was just out of control. I had no idea where they were coming from. After a long day out I got home to find the answer. There is was, sitting on the top of the frig. It was a half eaten bag of prunes! I ate those in the morning. That explains the serious gas issue. I figured I'd play a big trick on my friend. So before we got together for sushi, I ate about a bag and 1/3 of prunes. I couldn't wait to drop serious bombs on this kid. Half way through eating sushi I had some serious gurgles. I ran for the bathroom and blew some serious mud. I'm talking hot lava here, yellow stuff. It was out of control. I blew mud 2 more times before we were done eating. Needless to say, the plan "backfired" on me. Live and learn I guess. So 5 bags should do the trick for your problem. One time I was at band camp and I farted.

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